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ron white if you quit listening i'll shut up transcript

Don't be afraid of the gay jokes, they lead to some funny moments and even funnier stories. You imagine how I think fucking now what Id do to you. Go behind the scenes of Netflix TV shows and movies, see what's coming soon and watch bonus videos on, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Teaser), Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up (Trailer). Im not gay, but I have these moments. And every year SiriusXM does a live broadcast from there. No. I was in Melbourne, Florida, one time and I was driving a rental car, and I was by myself, and Id had two drinks. There were porno movies everywhere, but the porno movie that caught my eye was called Fat Midgets Fucking Fat Midgets Two. Im like, What do I even do? A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. Im sure youre grateful. Required fields are marked *. Remove Ads Cast Crew Details Genres Cast Ron White 63 mins More at IMDb TMDb Sign in to log, rate or review Share Ratings 1 fan 3.3 What kind of balls does it take to put the word corral on the name of your fucking restaurant? Boy, do they know that demographic! Do not try that at home. password | 846 views, 6 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from The Power Trip: Lil' B and Meatsauce take on Justin Gaard and. No, no, White proudly proclaims on his fifth stand-up comedy special, and first for Netflix, that at 61, hes a raging alcoholic.. We would sit around, drink, and and talk about maybe one day, you know? All right. From the big lip to the little lip, right over the clit, tuck in the meat curtains if you got em. Jeff? And I double snotted my own fucking television. I gotta go. Im coming back twice a day every fucking day. Golden Corral? Build a net. Thats something we dreamed about and it fucking happened. Where Was 'John Mulaney: Baby J' on Netflix Filmed? I think if it didnt keep my wife awake, I wouldnt know I had it. Television?. I dont give a shit. Nobodys moving till we get across this street. They could have flown over the fucking street. Or didnt use to, anyhow. Cause I dont care if shes a little salty. And Ill tell you why I didnt have a problem with it, cause I thought the number of people beating off to my image was zero. I have no idea what color my asshole is. Because the most jacked-up cooch Ive ever seen in my life is way better looking than my ball sack. In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on the Black Knights and theyre far from your average deliverymen. My fucking life is over. Downloads only available on ad-free plans. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. [squawk] Bites me on the fucking leg. Thats all you get. Whats the record? We wont be able to verify your ticket today, but its great to know for the future. Thats delicious. The same week we were at the MGM Grand, they were at Caesars Palace, and that same weekend, Larry The Cable Guy was at the International House of Pancakes in Tucson, Arizona. This is drunk. I appreciate that, and Im sorry you lost your dad. He goes, I was in love with you and Id see you on television, Id pretend you were my husband and wed go out to eat, and things like that. I went, Well, thats nice of you to say, I appreciate it, very nice to meet you. He goes, I had a picture of you I used to masturbate to. Which one? Reunited as adults, two childhood friends fall madly in love and won't let anything not even death tear them apart, in this supernatural love story. And we should be afraid of geese too, and Ill tell you why. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up TV Special 2018 1h 3m IMDb RATING 6.6 /10 892 YOUR RATING Rate Play trailer 0:24 1 Video 2 Photos Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Come on down to the Golden Corral. And undeniably funny. Im all over it, dude. Sean L. McCarthy works the comedy beat for his own digital newspaper,The Comics Comic; before that, for actual newspapers. It was a story about a town in the Middle East where, by law by law, the women who live in this town have to wear burkas with one eyehole. And we go out that night, it was one of the funnest nights of my life, uh We had been friends for ten years, so we were young comics together, and thats whatwe used to talk about as young comics. Legendary comedian and podcaster Marc Maron stars in his first-ever HBO comedy special filmed in front of a live audience at New York Citys Town Hall. Traditionally in American comedy clubs, theres three acts. [sobbing] I had nightmares about it my entire goddamn childhood. Lets go to this thing. I let 150 dudes suck my dick? Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. Since the Blue Collar Comedy Tour first started in 2000, Texas native Ron White has always stood apart from the other three stand-up comedians as the odd man in. Baby. My wife does yoga, and next to her yoga school in Beverly Hills, theres a spa that offers treatments that Ive never heard of. Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese.Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. They won't be able to see your review if you only submit your rating. Now, I think its a little strange that vaginal rejuvenation is fine, yet its illegal to roll back the odometer on your car. And that was the first timeall three of us had our names on big signs in Vegas, and we went outside to look at it, and I was like, Fuck, now what? 2,003, This story has been shared 1,911 times. You know what a fair drunk driving test is? I thought about being gay one time, and I changed my mind when it came my turn. That Yale snob fucking piece of shit, fucked me out of so goddamn much money. I fucking hate em. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. And not because if somebody was breaking into our house, they would make a bunch of noise and scare those people away, because you couldnt possibly wake them up. And I did these shows in London, and they dont play my stuff on television in London. [high-pitched] Thats all. Im better at oral sex than Ive ever been and I think its just because Im older and Im just more patient than I was when I was young, because cause now Ill lay there for hours and let you do your thing. A military-trained assassin comes out of hiding to protect the daughter she's never met from ruthless criminals gunning for revenge. I dont know if it just looks tired or sad, or worried about something it cant do anything about. I can put my car in drive and roll over your ass. You ever seen a dead goose anywhere in your goddamn life? I said, Let me go talk to her, so I go up to the room. That guy cant drive my fucking car. Profane. It was about three years ago, and there were six comics in an open forum, telling stories, and this is the story that I told. Its for sale. If You Quit Listening I'll Shut Up opens with soundbites from White's previous specials, then we see him onstage, in a crisp suit, revealing to his fans how fame and . I dont mean to seem ungrateful, but I got shit to do, Jeff. One of these treatments is a thing called anal bleaching. And You Might Be A Redneck had been the number one-selling comedy album in the country for a year and a half. Well, which one is it? The other day I was watching Tarzan, the new Tarzan movie. Well, Ive been here, but Ive never been here, and if I only Dead. And then I was watching Godfather, I thought, Well, if instead of that horse head, they just had Chris Hemsworth with no shirt on. After his miner grandfather's death, Pancho travels with his wife and kids to his hometown, where chaos ensues with his relatives over the inheritance. So I really had to call and promote these shows and get everybody to come out, and I called this radio station in London. Fuck. Thats not a sobriety test. When my dog gets out of the yard, gets in the street, hes like, Oh fuck! And traditionally during the week, these three comics would go to the mall and those two comics would watch that comic spend money. Just lunch. Members can play, pause and resume watching, all without commercials or commitments.Connect with Netflix Online:Visit Netflix WEBSITE: http://nflx.it/29BcWb5Like Netflix Kids on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/NetflixFamilyLike Netflix on FACEBOOK: http://bit.ly/29kkAtNFollow Netflix on TWITTER: http://bit.ly/29gswqdFollow Netflix on INSTAGRAM: http://bit.ly/29oO4UPFollow Netflix on TUMBLR: http://bit.ly/29kkemTRon White: If You Quit Listening Ill Shut Up | Stand-up Special Trailer [HD] | Netflix http://youtube.com/netflix Bring it into the shop. If you tilt that a little bit, you can get it through that door. And Danny wakes up and he goes, I had a dream. In the wake of her prom scandal, Princess Margrethe longs for normalcy as she struggles to maintain her perfect facade while dealing with family drama. The motherfucker! And it really reminded Jeff and I of how much fun we have on stage together and how much we like to play off each other. Cinemark He likes them big big. Thats why. Cause .08s not drunk. They also say friends dont let friends drive drunk. Whats she doing to Wilson? Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information. So unhappy, theyre willing to bleach it until it becomes a more desirable color. Thanks a lot. Okay. And the guy that played Tarzan was a really, really handsome fella, and he was really a good-looking guy, but I was watching it, thinking, You know, if that guy from Thor, Chris Hemsworth, was in this, this would really be a better movie, cause Id just rather look at Chris Hemsworth without his shirt on. What the fuck did you just think? Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 18+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: TV-MA | 1h 3m | Comedies Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Charming. And you know why theyre having so much fun? Ron Tater Salad White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. Youre just fucking just Some red lipstick on that nose, this would be hot as fuck. Im not gay. Thats all. And it was his goal for a lot of years to make me a famous comedian, and he truly sucks at it, cause it took him for fuckin ever. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Id have said, Aint nobody gonna pay to watch fat midgets fuck fat midgets. Bullshit, theres a sequel. Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 2018 | Maturity Rating: 16+ | 1h 3m | Stand-Up Comedy Ron "Tater Salad" White dishes out his signature brand of cynicism, riffing on sex, celebrity and the sinister habits of wild geese. 'Succession' Season 4 Finale Date: When Is the Last Episode? Shes gonna overinflate him. I have no idea what Id do if I walked out and somebody was there, Id be like [yawning] [click] Oh, hey. Thats the worst thing you can be as a little kid is a fucking bed-wetter. He goes, I want you to stand on one foot, raise the other foot No, bullshit. JOIN NOW Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up 40 years old, never been married, which makes you a little suspicious. That little spot tastes like Skittles. Ill give you a second to get your arms around that. Rejuvenate your vagina. Im fucking over it. So I decided to spend the night at Joe Paines house, who had been my friend since I was six years old. [audience whooping] Looked like somebody had stretched a Looked like somebody had stretched a rubber band over a gigantic head of cauliflower. Ill walk back. Follow officers from a South Carolina sheriffs department as they urgently search for individuals who've disappeared under troubling circumstances. 41,150, This story has been shared 20,592 times. One, while we were building this house, my wife selected these really exotic Japanese toilets. He always believed in my talent, but not my work ethic. Now, I dont know whats wrong with your vagina that makes you think it needs to be rejuvenated. Thats it. Ill tell you this story. Radical terrorist Canadian geese! Its just the words they say, whatever the fuck they say just cracks me the fuck up. Get married, dont get married. Fuck Rudders, uh Bone Depot, Shaft Crafters. I know this. I was 12. Videos Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up Maybe one day well be the big comics in Vegas, and our names will be on those big fucking signs. I got like 20 tweets from one guy, going, My wifes pussy was burning like No, you didnt. Bienvenidos a un nuevo episodio de Estrenos en Netflix!Hoy vamos a hablar de un especial de comedia de Ron White que se llama \"If you quit listening, i'll shut up\", y que se estren en Netflix el 16 de Octubre de 2018.Muchos chistes machistas y muchas groseras, pero un comediante que es un Sandy y que sale a escena con un vaso de whisky y un puro. What? And just set it and forget it and fucking shut it down. Ron White - Take 2 Viagra and demand a pat down. Te gust Big Jay Oakerson: DOG BELLY ?, descubre pelculas del mismo gnero y temticas, pelculas como Dave Chappelle: 8:46, Mike Epps: Indiana Mike, Kyle Kinane: Trampoline In A Ditch, Rose Matafeo: Horndog, Ron White: If You Quit Listening, I'll Shut Up,. These two comics dont have any money. I wouldnt and Ill tell you why. And not the fuzzy sweater, lovable slurring kind of drunk uncle, either. I just told her the other day. Probably a big glass of tea with a big slice of lemon. Trying to make this funny, sell some comedy tickets in a land where you dont play my shit. We decided to break it up, and Vegas will make you horny if you let it. It was juvenated, it became un-juvenated, it needs to be rejuvenated. I got 17 friends behind me. Copyright Fandango. Cheers, this is just special, right here. Ill show you dick.. My friend told me the other day that he wouldnt give his wife head unless she just came out of the shower, and I told him Ill give my wife head if she just came out of the gym. No, you fucking didnt. Im on the back porch of the church, eating my little sandwich, six years old, drinking my Kool-Aid. And he said that the Golden Corrals the best place to find these people cause he says thats where the really big girls like to winter. Im out of here. Starring: Ron White Watch all you want. Leaves me shudder-crying. Theres nothing you can do about it. I was leaving a party the other night, and this buddy of mine goes, Hey, Ron, can you drive? I was like, I can drive I cant get pulled over.. 6:01, gets there. Well, I got stationed at Pearl Harbor. White, meanwhile, has survived both divorce and divorce lawyers, and has put a lot of thought into drunk-driving checkpoints, the handsomeness of Chris Hemsworth, and the radical terrorist Canadian geese.. Britain's most talented young bakers wow judges with cakes, biscuits, breads and more in this kid-focused spinoff of "The Great British Baking Show.". Ill come back over and pay you. This is what he says: Well, those dont look like the socks of a man who would steal an egg. Yeah, they sure the fuck dont. Watch Ron White only on Netflix: https://www.netflix.com/in/title/80244900Follow NETFLIX IS A JOKE:Facebook: www.facebook.com/NetflixIsAJokeTwitter: www.twitter.com/NetflixIsAJokeInstagram: www.instagram.com/NetflixIsAJokeSUBSCRIBE: http://bit.ly/29qBUt7About Netflix:Netflix is the world's leading internet entertainment service with 130 million memberships in over 190 countries enjoying TV series, documentaries and feature films across a wide variety of genres and languages. Youd think you can tell a mans mouth from a womans mouth, but you cannot. And thats about a 45-second task with me at 18 years old. 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Joe Rogan with Ron White on Dane Cook, Carlos Mencia & Stealing Jokes From Comedians! Sorry. He wants to build a wall between the US and Mexico to keep out immigrants, and I wanted to build a net between the US and Canada to keep those fucking geese out of here. I go, I know its our first night in town but Im gonna go drinking with the boys, and she goes, [slurring] Fine, just leave me in a hotel room by myself? Im like, Youre starting to get it..

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